During my meditation I asked a question – how do I remove my blocks to abundance and prosperity?
It’s amazing how the Universe responds.
I normally don’t like to check my phone first thing in the morning and have been trying to break that habit (but let’s be honest, it’s a work in progress!). This morning I just decided to anyway and I had received my weekly email from Daily Love with Mastin Kipp. I’ve linked the website below; definitely check it out, he has some amazing insights on life.
This week’s email focused on developing a positive relationship with money (The Universe is amazing!). In the video link, Mastin asked the question – what are your money stories? It got me thinking about how I felt about money as a whole.
The more I thought about things that had happened in my past, the more I uncovered. I realized that at a very young age I had learned that was not safe to just receive money without having done something to earn it.
I remember a few incidents in my childhood where I first learned that. During visits with my aunt and uncle, they would always give me money as a gift. My father; however, would always tell me to give it back. He would always feel really angry whenever he discovered that I had been given money and I would feel that anger directed at me. Reflecting on this experience now, I believe that his reactions were out of his own guilt that he was feeling and perhaps obligations to his younger brother. A tug of war ensued between him and my uncle over this and I just stood there helpless, not knowing what to do. I allowed myself to feel the emotions of those situations back then and I could remember vividly feeling ashamed and guilty.
I don’t blame my father for this; in fact it’s because of him that I’m actually figuring all of this out. What I ended up buying into; what I believed to be true about receiving money.
I went a little deeper with this to discover a few things that I had come to believe that were true for me:
- It isn’t safe to receive anything without having earned it
- I am only valued as a person when I DO something
Even as I type these beliefs, I feel a tightness in my shoulder, a pain that I have been carrying around for far too long. These beliefs transcend all areas of my life, not just with money, but with love, my health, relationships, etc. It’s amazing the patterns that I’ve discovered when I look into my past at how these beliefs have wreaked havoc in my life.
How many times did I do things simply to gain someone’s love and acceptance? How many times have I convinced myself that if I just did this thing for this person (even if I didn’t feel comfortable doing it) they will love me back? How many times have I worked in jobs that I didn’t like thinking that this was the only way that I could ever get money because that was all that I deserved?
You know what’s funny? I am fortunate to remember a time when I was 7 years old and I never tried at anything other than just being myself. The byproduct of this was – I had friends, I was well provided for, and, most importantly….
I was happy.