Surrender

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I have been juggling way too much for far too long.

When I was younger, I tried to literally juggle with a few tennis balls; unfortunately I could only master the one handed juggling move.

Thinking about the act of juggling made me realize just how much I have been ‘juggling’ in the mental sense.

I’ve been juggling expectations for myself and my life. An image in my mind that I haven’t yet been able to fulfill. Another being how much money I make. One being the desire to keep my entire family and friends safe and sound. Yet another for my dreams.

I’ve been living my life by juggling all of these balls representing these different facets of my goals, dreams and desires, along with my fears in the air. I’ve come to realize just how much energy and effort I’ve expended doing this, and how all of this has been a big f*ing waste! I’ve painfully figured out that a few of these ‘balls’ have fallen down and hit the pavement hard, some keep bouncing away from me, and some are stuck to me like glue that I can’t get rid of.

I’ve also come to realize that all this time I’ve been chasing the ones that have gotten away and trying to cling onto the ones I don’t want to let go of which have been repeatedly slipping out of my hands.

All of these dreams, goals and desires which elude me; all of my fears and attachments and uncomfortable feelings which cling to me.

I’ve been wasting a whole lot of energy.

So while I’m here struggling lo and behold, God is right in front of me.

Archangels on all sides of me.

Guardian Angels beside me.

Ascended Masters standing in the corners.

Spirit Guides behind me.

All just waiting…waiting for me to look up and become aware of this simple, yet profound question:

What would happen if I just stopped? Stopped what I was doing and gave up the struggle?

What would happen if I just let all of these balls, every single one of them, fall to the ground? What if I let everything go? What if I humbled myself and admitted that I can’t do this alone and that’s okay? What if I finally let go of the images in my head of what my life should look like?

What would happen?

This is what I call surrender.

I think I’m gonna give God my dream and desire balls and say here, you take these. I don’t need to hold on tight anymore, You know what’s best for me. You likely even have better ideas for what I desire. Please take care of these.

I’m going to surrender my fear and attachment balls to Archangel Michael and say here, I’m giving these to you, please take care of myself and my loved ones.

I’m going to give up all my expectations for myself and my life to my Spirit Guides and Guardian Angels say here, I’m open; show me this or something better. Please guide me.

I’ll stay still, where I am and I’ll ask the Ascended Masters, please help me stand strong where I am so that I don’t end up repeating the same mistakes over again.

You see, They were always here, just waiting to help. Unfortunately, I was ‘too busy’ chasing balls to be aware of them. Pushing outcomes to be my way. Forcing, struggling, and ultimately wasting my energy.

Surrender for me means this: trusting that perhaps they’ll throw me some new ones that are different sizes and with pretty designs on them. Maybe they’ll hold onto certain ones for awhile until the time is right and give them back to me. Or maybe they’ll take them, change em up a bit and say these will work better for you. Or maybe they’ll take them away altogether and say, it’s time you let these go now.

So why the juggling analogy? I’ve been contemplating lately that no matter what is happening around me, I’m not going to sway with the circumstances anymore. I have a choice; as I read in the book The Palace of Illusions by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni I will try and live by this quote: “A situation in itself is neither happy nor unhappy, it’s only your response to it that causes your sorrow.”

I am going to stand strong in one spot knowing that no matter what is going on around me: I am light, I am love, and I am standing with Spirit always.

I am free.

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