Letting Go

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It’s amazing how a simple act can teach such a profound lesson.

I went to my massage appointment this morning for neck and upper back spasms. I’ve been going for a few months now. I still have tightness in my back, neck and shoulders, and I always have neck pain. I’ve just learned to live with it.

While having my massage, a voice inside me told me very gently – let go. I didn’t pay much attention at first, but then it hit me.

I was holding on to all of this pain.

I once heard that all of the pain that we experience in our bodies can tell us about our mental state. I’m starting to believe in that. For myself, as I had mentioned in yesterday’s blog post, I have been holding on to my extra body fat as an ‘armour’ to protect my heart. Well I realized this morning that I have also been holding on to all of the pain and tension that I’ve been feeling. I haven’t really allowed myself to be sad, or at least given myself permission to feel sad.

Unfortunately, just from my experiences the repercussions of not allowing my emotions to express themselves has been causing the pain that I feel in my body.

In that moment of clarity and truth, I started to cry. Luckily it went unnoticed by the massage therapist; I also noticed that I was able to relax my body even more. The pain that I felt during the massage was welcomed by me; I was able to breathe into it instead of denying it. I gave it it’s proper place in my life.

During the day I thought about the concept of ‘letting go’. This hasn’t been an easy lesson for me to grasp. I think of myself as a bit of a control freak; if I feel like things are out of control I check out, give up so to speak. After this experience, I think I’ve finally grasped the concept. That it’s okay to lose control, cry, yell, scream, shed tears during a massage. It’s okay to just allow the emotions to come through. It’s okay to admit, you know what, I am feeling sad today and not only that, but to allow it through and to let it go.

I’ve been feeling disappointed lately about a lot of aspects of my life. My body image, career, my health, etc. But I haven’t allowed myself to experience that sadness because of some level of guilt which hasn’t allowed me to truly let it all go. I wonder if I’ve been wearing it as a suit of armour because I’m truly afraid to be happy.

Letting go can be a difficult concept to wrap your head around; it can also be a scary place to allow your heart to venture. However; through this simple, physical representation, I’ve learned that it really isn’t as scary as I thought it would be. Perhaps allowing myself to let go of whatever isn’t serving me, be it thoughts, beliefs, emotions, etc will bring about great healing.

Like my massage, the discomfort is temporary and brings great relaxation and room for happiness and joy.

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